I was dismissed with Decree #701. I was a police officer. I was dismissed in Maras. I worked in Special Operations for 10 years. I served in the Department of Special Operations in Bingöl and Tunceli . On April 26th, 2017, I was first suspended from the blacklist by “The Waiter”. I was dismissed a week before the end of the Decrees and the emergency of state. I was dismissed based on the blacklist.

After I was dismissed, my colleagues, who were with me before, did not call on the phone, nor did they salute when they saw me. They stopped saying “Hi”. I felt excluded from society. My family has contributed greatly to me during this time, especially my wife. I was in the village when I found out I was dismissed. Of course, I shared it with my family. My parents supported me. I’ve begun to have migraines, and a migraine attack has started. No matter how much medicine I’ve taken for three days, it hasn’t gone away. I went to the hospital, got the shot, but it still didn’t do away. I had a very severe headache for three days.

I was working in a Special Operations counter-terrorism branch. I’m now branded as a traitor, and a terrorist in the face of the state. I can’t handle it. The state has shown to us the leftist as boogeyman. They portrayed them as enemy. That’s what we’ve been given to perceive. I’m trying to retrieve back my rights with them nowadays. We strive for the law come back to Turkey. We’re having meetings together. We set up a platform in Maras. We’re fighting there under the Human Rights Association. And the state showed us the Human Rights Association as a boogeyman, especially to the right wing.

I come from a nationalist-conservative family. Yes, I am the same. I’m a graduate of a religious high school. I know religion well. Right now, I see that everything that’s done in the name of religion is fake and wrong.

I farm in my father’s fields in the village. I also make a living from it. That’s how I try to sustain my life. The soil feels good. Psychologically, it contributes a lot to me. It is my escape. My negative thoughts diminish when I am farming. All I think about is soil and crop production. It’s a good thing to do. I found out about it. Really, farming is a good thing. It’s good for me. It’s rehabilitating me. It’s good for my psychology, too. I don’t have any anxiety or stress.

I was the first officer in my village. Our village is a small, 150-house village. We’re all related. Everybody knows me. There’s no one in my village that I don’t help or support. All of them know me; they know what kind of person I am and my character, all of them. They know I’m not a coup plotter, I’m not a traitor and I’m not a terrorist. But they still don’t do anything positive. How can I say that? They continued to vote for the party of the people who gave us this cruelty and said, “eat bark of the tree.” It’s hurtful. I don’t say that directly to people’s faces. But inside me, there’s a wound. They voted for my executioner who was unfair to me, even though they said “You are right” to my face. This hurts a lot of people.

I’m hopeful, we’re going to win. I knew it wasn’t sustainable. How long can they last? I’m a graduate of Religious school. As I believe in Allah, I will get the job back. I say 10 years. Maybe it’ll take longer, but in the end, we’ll win. I’ll get rid of this treacherous mark. I’m going to get rid of this branded “terrorist” and return to my job.

I’m not afraid. I read an article, “Killing Death.” It’s been a long time since I killed death. I’m not afraid of death. Absolutely. It is because I know that eventually our destination is death. One should not be afraid of what he knows, I’m not afraid. And one day we’ll win. We’re going to win. We’ll be returned to our jobs. Those who persecute us, those who support this persecution, will be ashamed. I’m sure of it.

There’s been a lot of change. It’s been a great change. I’m a religious school graduate. I’m coming from the right wing. I come from a conservative community. My father is pilgrim and my uncles are all pilgrims. They all pray five times a day. My perspective on religion or that walk of life has changed. Moral is primary for me right now, and the rest doesn’t matter. I prefer a moral atheist than a wicked Muslim. That’s what I’m saying right now. There is a saying, “If persecution is from us, then I am not of us.” The word of a journalist who died in Israel. I like it very much.

I’ve always been conscientious and compassionate. I started the first Istanbul Bayrampaşa in Riot Squad. What we do there are rallies, protests, and games. We’re on our way there. When cruelty came from the right wing, I was thinking, “There is a reason for cruelty if it is by us.” Now I see it’s not like that. I absolutely refuse cruelty. I refuse even the slightest humiliating action against human being. I’m on the side of humanity right now. I stand with man and the righteous.

They’re wrong! The thing is, when I look at my life, the state has always led me. By the way, when I was in the army, I went to the Isparta Mountain Commando School because I graduated from the religious school. They sent high school graduates to Egirdir, and they didn’t take me because I graduated from religious school. The state didn’t see me worthy for sergeant training. We were left out in the period of February 28.

Now I understand exactly what happened in Special Operations or the police, which is because I spent 18 years with them. I know their opinion or the idea that they were meant to believe, I understand. But they must question it, observe it. They need to see the truth and read it. Not just from their viewpoint, but from all sorts of viewpoints. Read it, learn it, question it. Specifically, “Why are we doing this?” And the commandment was given to them, “Is it true or false?” They taught us when we were in police school about “unlawful orders.” We studied the Constitution and Law at the police academy. When I went to Istanbul, we didn’t execute any of the innocent.

It had a very strange effect on me. The theory taught at school doesn’t match the things that you encounter.